I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
