In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you made out with another girl for some wings
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
