yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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