i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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