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Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
