roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
