I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
