currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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