I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The adults are the big ones right?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
