so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
