I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
