NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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