he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
