If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
