it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
it glows. i had to have it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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