ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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