I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize