ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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