hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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