so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
