Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
