I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
