You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
