Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
