Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
