508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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