WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
