So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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