If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This is my gift to your gina
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
