Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize