I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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