Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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