Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Someone came in the potted fern
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
