you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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