so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
