If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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