all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
fuck your aforementioned shoe
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize