??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he was CRYING into my vagina
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
