That's intense
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
