both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
