I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
