He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
