Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
