Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
