im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
