he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
