sarcasm needs its own font
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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