He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
