I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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