Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
