I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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