I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
