I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
