i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
