no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
