well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize