YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
