Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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