a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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