he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
