Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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