i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
