Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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