He is such a slut. More and more my type.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
