Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
