Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
