But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
