you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
