new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
