hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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