he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
